I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
