there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
