if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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