The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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