hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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