Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize