So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
