At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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