I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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