Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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