he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
