You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We need to get me chipped asap
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
