I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
