and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
