If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
