Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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