Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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