I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
