What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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