conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
