so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
