He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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