time to smoke my breakfast
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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