i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
