my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I could make wine with my vomit
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
