i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
