My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
