Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
