I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
