omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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