He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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