Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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