i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
