Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if only i could text you this smell
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
