It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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