Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
