ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
