Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
