I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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