I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
