my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize