dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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