you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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