Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
