I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
