no, he came in my armpit
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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