toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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