What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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