is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize