I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
