I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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