do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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