That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
