You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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