I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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